Driving...

It seems I have a lot to say today! I guess with less to do workwise, that leaves me more time to think. That may or may not be a good thing!

Back in June of last year, I gave my car to Little Man's bio-mom so that she could get a decent start in life. I wanted this woman to have every chance in the world to turn things around for herself. I never wanted her to feel stuck or stranded. We figured one of a few things would happen. 1) she'd rise to the top and be here to get Little Man within a year or so. 2) She'd not rise to the top but would realize the best thing she could do was to leave him here, and have her agreed upon visitation. 3) She'd use the car to come back home until she was ready to try again. Those who have been reading along for a while know what really happened. She sunk, and chose to take him down with her.

Anyway, it's not a Little Man post, I promise!

I thought at the time that I'd be able to use my tax return to get another car. It'd be a used one as I always had a habit of buying my cars outright. But tax time came, and it wasn't enough for a vehicle. So we got the lawnmower instead. The next plan was to have a new car by midsummer using money made from LW.

Then animals came into the picture and they needed a TON of vet care. It was okay though because midsummer wasn't here yet and I had time to meet that goal. Then LW was just gone. So, now I'll be without my own car until I can replace that income.

A few months back, right before LW disappeared on us, I did buy a car for my husband. His car was about as safe to drive on the road as my riding lawmower. Okay, the lawnmower is actually a bit safer. I was worried for his safety and so when we passed by a dealership, I used my pay as a downpayment, his car as a trade in, and financed a new (used) vehicle for him. It's a standard manual transmission.

The last time I had driven a standard was over 15 years ago, well nearly 16 years ago now. My ex husband had started taking his bike to work, and if I needed to go anywhere I had to take myself. And with a newborn, there were a lot of doctor appointments, going to the other child's school, etc. Only, he didn't teach me how to drive it at all. He just said if I needed to go somewhere, I could take myself. The rest, I had to figure out on my own.

After that, every car I've bought has been an automatic. They're simple. Put it into drive and stay between the lines.

There are times now where I'll need to run an errand or want to go somewhere. I wait for Honey to get home, but I know that he had a long drive home, worked hard all day, and so don't want to ask him to take me anywhere. And on the weekends, I like for his weekends to be his. We do a bit of family time stuff but for the most part, I try to leave him to play his games and relax a bit.

Yet, I still want to go places myself and do other things also. It's very limiting when you're part f a one car family and the one car you have you can't drive! So, Honey has been teaching me how to drive the car all over again.

I tend to panic, a lot, when there are other cars on the road. I was in a pretty bad accident some years back that could have killed both myself and my son. Since then, I've been really odd about driving with traffic. Last night, we got brave! I decided it was time to practice out in town where there are more stops, more turns, and more cars on the road with us.

And I was doing pretty well too. I got us to Wal Mart pretty okay. He drove us out to the high school, and I started going down city streets. Now, it was time to get back home, so we had to cross the highway. One of the roads we had to cross had a stop sign on a hill.

Do you know what happens with a standard when you're parked on a hill? When you take your foot off the brake to place it on the gas, you start rolling backwards. Not such a bad thing, if there are no cars behind you or if the one car behind you isn't busy kissing your bumper!

Unfortunately, I had that one driver behind me that was right on my bumper. They were a mere few inches from me and each time I took the foot off of the brake to put it in the gas, they got closer. Talk about panic! The cars started lining up behind us. I was the one stopping traffic. I knew that taking the foot off the brake just one more time would result in an accident. Not a major one granted, but still one for the insurance company for sure!

My wonderful husband said the words I needed to hear. "Do you need me to take the wheel now?"

Of course, sitting back now and writing this, I recognize that this is truly what a great marriage looks like. One person standing by ready to take the wheel if necessary. It's a partnership. Neither person should ever feel overwhelmed by the roads we go down. Even some tasks that seem to be "single player" aren't really. It's just a matter of knowing when it's time to take the wheel and be in the driver's seat for a while.

I wish I had known that before I got married the first time. I didn't. My first husband didn't realize that either. So much of the time we split things up as "this is what you do, this is what I do." And we never said "this is what we do together." When I was overwhelmed, he never once said "let me take it for a while for you." Of course, I never said it myself either.

Some lessons, we learn a bit too late, don't we? It's the little things that remind us of these things. So, as my husband went around the car last night, I hopped into the passenger seat and let him take the wheel. As he was driving home, I kept apologizing and he finally said "I'm not going to make you do this alone. This is what I am here for, to take the wheel when necessary." I couldn't tell him just what it meant to me to hear that.