Request from the boy

Or maybe it's more of a suggestion; I'm really not sure. Bear knows that one of my goals down the line is to quit smoking. He knows that I don't like the way that I feel right now and well, he also knows how bad smoking is for me. His suggestion? Take all the cigarettes in the house and lock them in the treat cabinet. Then, send the key to that cabinet with my husband each day as he leaves for work and make sure that I don't receive the key back.

Of course, this also means they can not have their treats at all if we do this.

It's a good plan really. I don't have the money for more cigarettes, and by the time that I do, the worst of the cravings should be over. (Hopefully) It's just... well... last time I tried to quit I broke out into shingles AND knocked my husband onto his ass. Granted, it was also a high stress time as we were buying a house and I was just starting as a provider with LW.

Well, I did have a half hearted attempted last spring. I put on a patch, and then got the call about Little Man and Bio Mom. That ended that attempt real fast!

So yeah, I'm a bit scared to try again. I know how violent I can get. I know that my body tends to turn on itself. I'll be using that electric cigarrette of mine; the one that makes me feel like I'm giving myself pnuemonia. And there will still be a fair amount of stress here.

I'm introducing a new puppy AND I'm retraining the existing dogs in the house, AND I've got the kids here home with me 24/7 AND my ex will be here this weekend visiting with our daughter. That last one alone is going to be stressful anyway, I'm just hoping it's a good stress.

But, if I can succeed at least for one or two days, I may be able to shake this cough that has been with me since winter time. I may last a bit longer at the gym as well since I won't be getting winded as easily. If I can make it one full week, well.. I don't know the rewards then. A full month, and I'll call it a success.

I made it three weeks two years ago. Three weeks before my body started eating itself. Three weeks before I saw the extremely shocked and hurt look upon my sweet husband's face when he landed on the ground. Three weeks before the nervous breakdown from hell.

So yeah. Very scared here. But going to give it a go, just one day at a time. Maybe even one minute at a time. This really is a good time for it. We're low on cash, and I have a very low stress job.

I can do this. I can sooo do this. :D