Living With Depression

My name is Dana. I’m a tree hugging, animal loving hippy freak type of gal. (Is the word “gal” even used anymore?) I am mother to two teenagers, and one Little Man. I am also the wife of a wonderfully patient man who laughs at my antics and pulls me back from the brinks of despair. Okay, not despair. I haven’t been there in a long, long time.

I also live with depression. I used to suffer from depression. I read one blog entry earlier today where the person was talking about spending days in her room at a time without coming out. I didn’t spend days holed up in a room. I spent weeks and one time, a couple of months! (This was before my husband came into my life.)

I can remember many nights where I would go to sleep and hope and pray to not wake up the next day. I remember saying many times, “If there really is a God, and if you really do care anything about me, then please, please  let me die tonight! I can also remember many mornings where I would wake up and burst into tears the very moment I realized I had lived to see another day.

This is it. This is depression at its very core. For others, it gets much worse and so much darker.  For everyone, however, it does not ever go away. Mental illness never truly goes away. Some of us learn how to deal with it, and develop better coping strategies. We get over the hurdles, but all of us know that no matter how much we deny it, there is always that chance of relapse. Always.

For those of us that make it out of the dark side, we have two choices. We can talk about it, or we can ignore it and move on. Most people think that depression, or any other mental illness, makes them look weak. Talking about it is a huge taboo. I’m not one of those people. I talk about it for several reasons.

First, maybe by talking about my experiences, I can help someone else to realize that they need help. Maybe I can help someone else in the darkest parts of their depressions realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I can help the general public to know and understand depression, what it is, and how to recognize when a loved one needs help.

I also talk about it freely because, as I said earlier, a relapse can be triggered at any time. Those that live with depression often don’t see the initial signs and symptoms of a dark period. By talking about it, those around me know I live with it. If I suddenly disappear, they know to give a call, send a note or otherwise check in. Sometimes, just the notes themselves let me know I need to start my action plans.

In short, clinical depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. At least, that’s what I’m told. But, at the same time, I also know that there are triggers for the depressive state to take hold. Don’t get me wrong, I often feel a bit sad or melancholy, just as anyone else does. However, for the deep, dark depression, there is usually a trigger of some sort.

For me, empty food cabinets, a sense of losing control of a situation, feeling inadequate in the care of my family, these are all triggers for me. Lack of exercise, lack of fresh fruits and vegetables, too much sugar and junk food are also triggers as well.  Not leaving the house, an overly messy house, lack of sunshine will contribute to a depressive state. Having too much to take care of all at once and feeling overwhelmed is a huge trigger.

Are you noticing a theme there? Now that Adam Lanza has shot up an entire class room of children, the nation is calling for an honest discussion about mental illness. The treatment and prevention of mental illness goes beyond simply medicating and providing therapy. Every single trigger I listed above is easily treated with normal everyday things.

By taking adequate care of our very basic needs, by avoiding junk food and sugar, and by getting regular outdoor exercise, we can help to fight off many of the symptoms of depression. By keeping our environment tidy, (not neat freak clean, just tidied up), things look a bit more organized and less chaotic. This helps our mind to cope. Natural sunlight produces chemicals within our bodies and brains that help to stabilize moods. Exercise is the most under-utilized natural anti-depressant available! The human body needs fresh fruits and vegetables so is it really any wonder that these help to stave off the symptoms of depression?

Our children spend more time in front of the television and computers than they do outside. Parents have replaced fresh fruits and veggies with cans of spinach, corn, green beans and jars of applesauce.  We don’t know how to deal with stressful situations ourselves, let alone teach our children. Instead, we shelter them from stressful situations. We shelter them from “mean” people. Children aren't taught how to deal with failure and are set up to believe they will always be a success in everything. We remove any negative stimuli, except for the types that should be removed such as violent tv shows and video games. Hell, even our music is an instruction manual to violent behavior these days! And then the public wonders why we have so many people that suffer from mental illness? We don’t teach them how not to!

I can also tell you from first hand experience that the docs prescribing the pills don’t sit there and help identify your triggers. Neither does the therapists assigned to you. Yes, they’ll sit back and talk about your childhood and what is going on in your life. They’ll nod their heads a lot and give you suggestions for improvement but they never outright say something like, “Dana, do you think that you are a huge control freak because when you feel yourself losing control, it triggers a depressive state of mind?” No, they’ll look for other psychological reasons for the need to always be in control.

Not one time did any doctor or therapist tell me, “Dana, eat more fruit and fresh fish, but stay away from cheeseburgers and Snickers bars.” There wasn’t a single time when a therapist said, “Hey girlfriend, try a Pilates class because it will do wonders for your mood!” Oh, and just so you’re wondering, nobody said “Dana, turn the computer off for a bit and take more walks.”

This nation’s idea of treating mental illness is to prescribe medications. While that is part of it, there is an entirely different side that is totally and completely ignored. I would love to see more mental health facilities professionals incorporate exercise and nutrition into their program. Instead of weekly talk sessions, bi weekly workout sessions, even if the workout consists of talking while on a stationary bike together.  Instead of a jar of candy on the end tables, they could have bowls of fruit. And really, when was the last time your therapist or doctor offered you a bottle of cold water when you walked in?

Mental (and physical) health is about more than diagnosing and medicating for a problem. It’s about treating it and recognizing the triggers. It’s also about accepting responsibility for our own mental health and for recognizing that our bodies are only reacting to the ways that we are treating them. Of course there is a chemical imbalance. We just aren’t giving our bodies what they need to be able to produce the chemicals that are needed.  And we do it to our kids too.

Is this the only thing behind depression and other mental illnesses? No, but it is a big part of it. I’m not a big fancy doctor. I have no medical degree. The only thing that makes me an expert is my own experience. (And even then, I’m only an expert in my own experiences, and nobody else’s.)

I am Dana. I’m a tree hugging, animal loving, hippie freak kind of gal. I live with, and not suffer from, depression.