I don't know how it is for you males, but us girls start dreaming of our future husbands at a very young age. I think that I was dreaming up my husband at the tender age of six. Heck, my first boyfriend was in first grade. Okay, so he was my boyfriend only in my mind. Somebody forgot to tell poor Roger Cochran though.
I was sure that I'd have a big wedding, with the prettiest white princess dress. I also though that all of England's royalty would be in attendance as well. With each year, the daydream changed only so that the bride in the dream was the age I was at the time. So the bride when I was six, was indeed six.
As I got older, fewer and fewer males were able to make my heart beat faster. I think I can count the number of boyfriends I've had on less than two hands, and my sexual partners on less than one.
I married my first husband not out of love, but for security. I was pregnant, and knew I had two choices. Either I could get married, or give my baby up for adoption. Now, I loved my child more than life itself from the moment I knew he existed. So, I chose to get married. He only married me figuring it'd be cheaper than child support, I'm sure.
After my divorce, I fell in love a few more times. It's always easy to fall in love, it's just not easy to stay in love. Sometimes, you fall in love more with an idea of what you want, and less of what you really do have. In my heart, I still love each of them, and always will. Not a day goes by when I don't think of them, and hope all is well in their lives. I quietly celebrate their triumphs, and mourn their losses.
I spent so much time looking and searching for my other half. I finally gave up on the idea of one real true love. I finally came to the realization that no person has a real "other half." The closest you could come to Mr. Right was Mr. Right for right now.
I focused myself on only my children. I didn't want to date, see other people, or even leave my house. My life was all about the kids. I figured I'd have plenty of time for dating and partying once both the children went off to college. I didn't even have a craving for sex at all anymore, as the whole sentimental emotion behind the act was ripped away from me years before. I felt it was my destiny, my fate, my punishment for whatever crimes I had done to deserve it, to be alone for the rest of my life.
Right after my son went to stay with his father for a while, my world started falling apart at the seams. I had never been away from my kids for more than a couple of weeks, and here was my son gone for what may be a lifetime. I fell apart, quite simply. Everything around me crumbled to dust.
I had met Honey years before in an online game. We became great friends, over the internet. I confided some of my secrets, and he nursed my heartaches. He celebrated my successes quietly, without me really realizing it until now.
One day, I was joking around about him coming to visit. He said he'd be here just as soon as I gave him my address. I can't tell you how surprised I was when he actually showed up! I was at work at that time, and my manager took one look at him and said "You're going to marry him!" I laughed at her and told her the closest anyone would ever come to marrying me would be in their own fantasies. I did the marriage thing once. I didn't need to do it again.
A couple of years later, we were married.
When I'm angry, he knows what to say or do to calm me down. When I'm being irrational, he lets me yell and fuss. Then, he knows what to do to bring rationality back to me. Sometimes, it's as simple as making me eat something. Other times, it's a nap or a work out. Sometimes, just a hug. He knows when I need a bit of cuddle time, and he knows when to back off and leave me alone. He knows what's bothering me before I even know most times.
He is the other half I had searched for all of my life. I'm not the easiest person in the world to deal with and yet, he chooses to do so. He didn't run away from me, as it seems so many others had. Instead, he ran to me. Each time I tried to "run" he held is ground patiently, reassuring me each step of the way that he wasn't going anywhere.
Valentine's Day is coming up. So many think of Valentine's as a cheap Hallmark holiday. For me, it's a reminder. For every single person, there is another half. I know this for a fact because mine found me. If I, the one person in all of the world that was the most likely to have nobody, found my other half then I know each and every single other person also has theirs.
I love you honey, and thank the heaven's for you every single day. I know I'm not the greatest at showing affection, love, appreciation, or even humanity sometimes, but never doubt that each of these things is always there.
For everyone else...
Love is!
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