Caring enough to notice

Last week, my daughter started doing one of the most stupidly dangerous things a teenager female could do. Now, I can't share with you what exactly it was simply because it would put her further at risk if she were to do it again. (Some of my readers are local to me.) 

It got me to thinking about my teenage years, and all those rebellious moments. Oh, I've had my fair share of the stupids! I think that we all have. Now some things we did just because we could. Sure, we were told not to but that didn't mean a damn thing back then. "Don't do this." Then, we would do these things solely because we were told not to. There was no rhyme or reason to it. It was just a matter of being told no.

In fact, I still have a huge rebellious streak in me to this day. When someone says I can't do something, I go ahead and do it just to prove them wrong.

But there's another side to being a teenager that many parents our age tend to forget. Sometimes, our kids will do the stupidest things just to see if we really are paying attention. It's their way of saying, "Hey mom! Do you care enough about me to figure out what I'm doing? Do you care enough about me to STOP me?" Think back long and hard. What truly stupid things did you do but really hoped someone cared enough to stop you?

For me, it was smoking. I started smoking at fourteen years old. That was my way of trying to figure out who actually gave a crap. I had many fosters that tried to be my pal. They'd share their cigs with me, offer coffee or even beer sometimes. Nobody really "laid down the law" though. Nobody said, "there is no tobacco allowed on this property." Fosters were too busy trying to be my buddy.

That was the same for social workers, case workers, nurses, psychologists, teachers, you name it. Now if had asked me at the time why I was smoking, I'd have said because I wanted to. I don't think that I fully realized the exact reason until I had teens of my own. Deep down on some subconscious level, I just wanted someone to care enough to stop me. More than twenty years later, that someone would be me.

It's sometimes difficult as parents, isn't it? We have to know when to let our kids think that they're getting away with something, when to come down hard, and when to do just the right thing in between the two. We don't have time to be our children's friend. We have to instead be moms and dads. 

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to find out what was happening. And yes, I went straight up to the school, pulled her right out of class and let her know under no uncertain terms that it was inappropriate and dangerous. I wanted her to know immediately that I care enough to be paying attention. I care enough to stop her on the spot. After all, that's all she was seeking with this particular action. She was wanting to know that her parents cared enough to put an end to it right away.

So, thinking back over the past few months with your kids, what have they done just to see if you cared enough to notice?