About Me... somewhat

Since I am having a hard time going to sleep tonight, I thought I'd give just a bit of background about myself. Not a lot of background of course, because that takes the whole element of suspense and surprise away. After all, if I gave away all of my secrets up front, why would you want to continue reading?

I am a stay at home mother because I truly believe that in every family, one parent NEEDS to be home for the kids. Even when they are in school, they still need to know that mom (or dad) is at home if they are needed. I tried the whole work outside of the home thing with my kids and I discovered something. When I work outside of the home, these perfectly angellic children turn into demon spawns!

Seriously. My oldest used to make his teachers quit, or go into early retirement! I really do know what I'm saying here. For some reason, children tend to behave MUCH better when they know mom is sitting at home right beside the phone. If the school calls, mom can be there in ten minutes flat to take care of the problem personally.

That is a major motivator with young preteens and teenagers. If the grades drop, all I have to do is offer to go to school with them for a week to see why the child isn't performing as well as they should be. If they get into trouble, I only need to show up once and stick their butts in a corner in the office for it to end right then and there.

Of course, there are a lot more benefits to staying home; but like most families, we can't afford to live on a single income. If it was affordable, I believe more parents would be doing it themselves. Therefore, I am also a work at home mother as well.

I don't mean these little penny anty jobs where you pay someone $500 to send you a list of companies that you can petition to do work for, even though they'll never hire you and so you sell the same list to other potential work at home parents out there. I also don't work those MLM scams either. I'm sorry, I know that many people swear by them; however, I've known a LOT of people that were into network marketing and multi level marketing. Not a single one of them made a decent livable wage off of it. (Neither did I, when I fell for them myself.) They are scams.

No, I am both a business owner, as well as an employee. For my business, I do project management. I'd love to think that I was good at it, but I can't even seem to get a decent website up. Of course, that takes money as do the other parts of running a business. I absolutely refuse to get loans for this as well.

So in addition to project management, I'm also an employee. I can't say who I work for, or what kind of work that I do, I can only say that I do it. And no, I'm not in the CIA or any government agency, though I do wonder if the company that I work for may be just as covert in their operations! Honestly, I love my job. It's quick and simple. I love that it's mindless drone work that comes second nature. It makes multi tasking so much easier.

Did I mention that I'm also a workaholic? Yes, I'm a stay at home mother that gets high off of work. You should try that one on for size sometime!

So when work is slow, I also am a phone operator of sorts for a company called LiveOps. You know those ads on tv, the really long put you to sleep at two a.m. infomercial ads? Well, if you call in for one of those ads, you may just get me. Eventually. I hate working the phone lines, but I also hate not having my drug of choice running through my veins.

By the way, I also forgot to mention that I'm a bit of a control freak also. I am a stay at home, work at home, workaholic control freak! I love my labels and wear them proudly! Just to make things a tiny bit more confusing, I'm a stay at home, work at home, workaholic, dyslexic, diabetic control freak! Some poor psychologist somewhere in this world is reading this and wondering what bundle of mess the universe had introduced to the world upon my birth. It's okay. I promise.

Now, we live way out in the country. We're so far out that if I were to scream, either nobody would hear me, or I'd be confused with some coyote, wolf or wild banshee. However, we are close enough to neighbors that if our lights are on, and we happen to be standing butt naked (or dancing for that matter) in front of the window, somebody WILL say something to us about it. This bit of information, our lovely pre-teen daughter recently discovered on our behalf. We're considering nailing plywood to her window as well as super gluing a set of clothes onto her.

Okay, so just to clarify here, I'm a stay at home, work at home, workaholic, dyslexic, diabetic control freak with a teenaged son, a pre-teen daughter, and a toddler son. Oh, and one husband that thinks he's a teenager hanging out in his mom's basement. (We have no basement, by the way.)

Many families claim to put the fun in dysfunctional. We actually do put the fun into it. There is never a dull moment in our household. Nanny McFee, Mary Poppins, and that super nanny lady, would all run away from our house in tears. Either that, or they'd be laughing hysterically at us. One way or the other, they'd probably be ready to retire after discovering they could finally say they truly have seen it all!

Well, that's it; that's all of the secrets that I'm going to reveal in one sitting. Now since I've gotten all of that off of my chest, (in other words, talked to hear myself talking) maybe I'll be able to sleep once again!

Good night, all or none, as the case may be!