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Like you, like many around the world, I sit. I watch. And I wait. I wait with baited breath for any news of improvements in Japan. Already, doomsday reports are spreading claiming that this is a signal of the end of the world. Jesus is coming soon. Honey, if Jesus wasn't already here, I'd be truly surprised! I'd bet my brtiches that he showed up decades before I was even born. If I'm right, he too is sitting, watching, waiting with baited breath.

It is the end of the world. It's the end of the world as we once knew it. We sit in our happy little houses, in our own little places of this great planet, and we believe nothing bad can ever happen to us. When disaster does strike, what do us Americans do? We turn against each other. We riot. We steal. We become very violent. Our nation is one that is very used to violence. It permeates our culture in every thing we see, everything we do. Every lyric, every show, every book.

And yet, we still believe that we are superior. Nothing bad can happen to US because WE are better than everyone else!

I sit. I watch. I wait.

And in doing so, I also notice the little things. This tiny nation that looks to be smaller than the state of California in size, they don't riot. They don't turn against each other. At least, not yet. This country is devestated! They lost entire cities. They were just swept away in a giant wave! While most still have the land at least, cluttered and destroyed as it is, some of the cities are just *poof* gone! The land isn't there even. The people that were once there. Every bit of it just gone.

Earthquake after earthquake keeps rolling through. Most are small. Some though bring the rik of yet another giant wave of water coming down on them. Millions are without access to food, water, or electricity. They are hungry. Beaten. Battered. Cold. While it is spring for us here, for them it is still winter. There is so much uncertainty and doubt.

And yet, no riots. No lashed out anger. Screaming and crying over great traumatic losses but there is also a coming together that we don't see here.

Yes, the world as we know it, as I know it anyway, is over. Where we would be crippled for decades, they are already starting to try to rebuild even amidst the risk of nuclear devestation. People are reporting to work today. Why? Because it's a work day one man said.

Another man has the responsbility to deliver important medical equipment right into the middle of the 'danger' zone. He does so, though he acknowledges he would much rather stay home. It is his responsibility he says, and so he must do it.

It is that work ethic, and that sense of honor to one's own people, that will bring Japan up and out of this should the nuclear issues calm down again.

I sit. I watch. And like you, I wait.

I look at the pictures that are just so beautiful and awesome. They are gorgeous displays of nature in all of her glory. They are wonderful displays of the powers of this universe. They are just so beautiful. And yet, at the same time, they are so sad as well.

To see the waves as they crash down upon the shores was truly awe inspiring! And yet, you also know deep down that even though you can't actually see it due to how far up those pictures were taken, you are also watching entire cities of people dying all at once.

I look at the pictures of the aftermath and some are quite beautiful. Ships perched on top of houses. Children looking at old pictures, awards they've received, or playing with a toy. And yet, at the same time while looking at these, I also know somewhere deep down, I am also looking at death as there are bodies underneath all of that rubble.

We are desensitized to death. We watch someone die at least three to four times per day. More so if we have a habit of watching those crime shows on television. Sometimes, we even watch people come back from the dead to communicate with one chosen person. Then, we watch as they go off into the light. If only death really were that wonderful.

We are a nation that doesn't view death the way we once did. Now it's normal. It's commonplace. It's just no big deal. Yet, as I think of the thousands that are dead, I also think of the fear they felt. Right as that quake hit, or as that great wall of water crushed the life out of them. The tremendious fear. The pain. The heartache. Their massive confusion, their last moment thoughts of their loved ones and wondering, hoping, praying for their safety even as their own lives dissipated. One man, a survivor, watched as his wife was swept away by the tide unable to do anything to help her.

I sit. I watch. I wait.

The saddest thing is that the latest disaster is one made by man. In our race to find fuel alternatives, in our race for energy, in our race to become better, we have created what could possibly become the worst nuclear disaster in all of time. Nuclear energy is safe, we are told. Nuclear energy is clean energy. There is little to no risk involved with nuclear energy.

Yes, while accidents don't happen very often, when they do happen they are horrifying. We created this. We are just as responsbile for it as the Japanese government, who thought it was a good idea to build nuclear power plants on a country that gets one earthquake every five minutes. While we didn't make the choice to build the plants there, it is our own thirst to be the best, it is our own egotistical view that the planet was made for us specifically, that helped to create this problem.

I have to wonder, if we hadn't managed to split an atom, and throw nuclear bombs upon Japan, if we ever would have considered nuclear energy to begin with? After the destruction we caused, why did we even think it was a good idea? "Hey, we just found a new source of energy! Yes, it caused death to millions, but if we use it right... Yes, the by products from this energy will have to be carefully cared for even after 10,000 years, but let's go for it!"

So why on earth did we think nuclear energy was a good idea? The planet itself provided us with everything we need for energy. We have wind. We have water, and we have the sun, that puts off it's own rays to warm our planet, and provide us with light. Harnessing these would be so much safter, so much cleaner, and yet we still said "nuclear energy is safe, clean energy."

Why? Because it was monetarily cheaper. It doesn't seem so cheap today, does it? If these things blow, the entire world is at risk. Okay maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic here. Half the world is at risk.

If all of that wasn't bad enough, now we have to worry again about the economy. Japan was starting to come out of their recession, which meant we would be starting to come out of ours as well. Their economy is now destroyed. Again. Our economy is more tied into theirs than you may think.

Already, with one of my jobs, (I wish I could say publicly what I do so that you'd understand that this is a bad thing) our workload is decreased dramatically. Instead of 8 full hours today, the first and busiest day of the week, I had two hours worth of work to do. So instead, today I will spend time with my family. They are all on vacation from school and work. We will work in our field, do some gardening, and possibly pull out the foosball table.

I sit, I watch, and I wait.

I must apologize for this blog being all over the place. I just... I don't know. Maybe I needed to vent some steam of my own. I want to gather everyone up over there, and pull them to a nice safe place. I want to just gather every single man, woman, and child, and say "come here. We have room. Wait it out here where you know you will be safe."

Yet, I am unable to do so. Those ractors are so close together, that if one of them does go, the workers won't be able to stay to take care of the others. It will be a chain reaction that will take out most of Japan's population. Even if they aren't immediately killed, if it happens, they're gone. I can't help but wonder if I am sitting and watching as an entire country is about to be wiped out of existance.

Yes, a doomsday fear, but a fear none the less. At least I am voicing that fear instead of trying to stuff it inside and act as though nothing is wrong. What if we are watching, and doing nothing, as millions of people are about to be gone?

I am left with memories of an old television show, "Touched by an Angel." (One of my favorite shows as well.) The most recent one we watched was about the panic that ensued in the 1930's when HG Welles did the War of the Worlds show on radio. "Fear NOT!" Monica was trying to tell them that God wouldn't allow such horrible destruction, and Tess was trying to tell them that even if there were Martians, God created them as well. There was nothing to fear.

Monica wondered why she was unable to help on that day. Whey she was unable to instill calm within the small city of panicked people. We see many many years down the road, the young boy she so desperately tried to help, now an older man. It was revealed she was unable to help because it was the little girl who was supposed to help him, it was the little girl to become his wife later.

Fear not. God loves you. Comforting words in times of trial. There is a greater plan than just this. Have no fear, because in the end, it all happens as it was supposed to.

But this, this is no God made disaster. We made this one. Fear not. Just sit. And watch. And wait.

Here's to hoping for a great unexpected blessing to come from this.

I'm going to sign off now, before this entry gets any more confusing and erratic. I am off to spend time with my little ones. To reassure them that in our world, at least, all is well. Life goes on, and love will see a way through all of it.

For those in Japan, my heart and my love is with you at this time. If I had a way, you'd be here, safe and sound as we sit, watch and wait. Until this disaster is over though, let me leave you with the words of Monica, Tess and Andrew in "Touched by an Angel." May it bring you some peace and some comfort, no matter what denomination you may hold.

Fear not. God loves you.